why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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