Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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