I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
