I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
