Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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