actually, I'm a sock model
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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