meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
