I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize