Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
