Got a toothbrush?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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