if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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