so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
