The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
