I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
