This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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