the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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