i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And the cops told us we were all naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
this hospital has no fireball
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
