Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
