Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my fart just growled at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
