Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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