I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
