dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
