after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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