you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
