is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
