hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
