Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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