just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
