Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy sore nipples Batman
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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