It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
