Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
