put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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