We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
