She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
