Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone

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  (940): That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone http://tfl.nu/w4ug
  Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (1797)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.

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  (321): I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code. http://tfl.nu/ho8g
  Replies (14) Good night (4418) Bad night (725)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

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  (863): i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him http://tfl.nu/mt9f
  Replies (24) Good night (1397) Bad night (3220)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..

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  (845): Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup.. http://tfl.nu/wofn
  Replies (11) Good night (1100) Bad night (3204)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.

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  (503): I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too. http://tfl.nu/16uc
  Replies (23) Good night (7326) Bad night (1163)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

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  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5364) Bad night (1094)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

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  (843): I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed http://tfl.nu/od18
  Replies (9) Good night (653) Bad night (2209)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth

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  (712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth http://tfl.nu/h1gj
  Replies (10) Good night (623) Bad night (1413)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection

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  (440): I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection http://tfl.nu/hamn
  Replies (2) Good night (1241) Bad night (476)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.

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  (706): He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/6yo0
  Replies (4) Good night (748) Bad night (947)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.

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  (281): A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before. http://tfl.nu/gsfk
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (438)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?

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  (816): Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere? http://tfl.nu/bbd7
  Replies (3) Good night (937) Bad night (413)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire

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  (267): I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire http://tfl.nu/ih5l
  Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (635)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.

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  (206): I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come. http://tfl.nu/a9r3
  Replies (0) Good night (733) Bad night (332)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.

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  (865): I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science. http://tfl.nu/16xh
  Replies (5) Good night (1231) Bad night (328)

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