dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.