I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...