Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its my greatest physical accomplishment

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  (248): I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor (248): Its my greatest physical accomplishment http://tfl.nu/iulb
  Replies (3) Good night (1530) Bad night (698)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.

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  (215): i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are. http://tfl.nu/vh2p
  Replies (85) Good night (1243) Bad night (6569)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum

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  (412): I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum http://tfl.nu/2gzo
  Replies (6) Good night (3994) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.

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  (812): Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse. http://tfl.nu/k7kh
  Replies (36) Good night (5119) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1173) Bad night (8366)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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  (250): I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way http://tfl.nu/xurx
  Replies (12) Good night (7455) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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  (732): This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together. http://tfl.nu/028o
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (3937)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

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  (516): what's the name of that soccar player i bit again? http://tfl.nu/zrsr
  Replies (8) Good night (2478) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...

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  (949): I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me... http://tfl.nu/0dd7
  Replies (2) Good night (1411) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.

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  (615): After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland. http://tfl.nu/h2ls
  Replies (22) Good night (717) Bad night (2669)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over? (312): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/ubhn
  Replies (18) Good night (4712) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...

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  (605): I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway... http://tfl.nu/fmfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2361) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

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  (804): How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now? http://tfl.nu/mo61
  Replies (16) Good night (2730) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend

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  (610): I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend http://tfl.nu/i89p
  Replies (3) Good night (558) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.

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  (646): i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit. http://tfl.nu/hqgt
  Replies (0) Good night (302) Bad night (385)

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