Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.