turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?