I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
