Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
