Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
