At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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