Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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