Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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