I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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