Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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