I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize