haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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