it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
