All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
