I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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