I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
