why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
