She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
