my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
