You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
