I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
