I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
