Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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